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livejournal! [17 Mar 2014|02:45am]

my sister's coming to live with me in less than two months. in twenty-five years of her life, the most time i've spent with her must equate to less than eight hours. even then, I was high on LSD and talked to a lot of people that evening; i rode flammie to the pure land that night too. drugs are bad...but fun.

anyway. carlie's 21st birthday was tonight.

Worked a double today. Angela was very insistent on me not going home immediately after work to play Dark Souls II in my pajamas. Sipped a beer, had a smoke with Holly, and fucked off in my civilian attire for an hour after work. We went to Adrian's place for twenty minutes after work...turns out he's letting a friend from back home sleep on the floor until he gets situated in Seattle...similar? I think so. Turns out that someone stole a bunch of his laundry last night; zero fucks given. I'd be fucking furious if someone ganked four pairs of underwear and a new pair of jeans from the dryer, but that's life. I've earned a lot more respect for you in an hour outside of work than I have in nine months. Power to you.

Subsequently, there's one person who's arm I wanted around me tonight and it wasn't him; Power to my self-esteem, but it isn't happening. Molly showed up at the Unicorn. Smile perked up a bit. I may have bought her a drink and sat down with her to chat ten or so minutes. The fucking gossip factory was RIGHT THERE of course and made their fair share of assumptions...we could fuck tomorrow morning and nobody would think the least now. Heard a fair share of remarks from the peanut gallery. Heaven forbid that I make friends with someone that has the same living situation as a few friends of mine and offer advice.

Tuesday will be gossip fest. Not looking forward to it.
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blah blah affection [29 Jan 2014|10:49pm]
i like that you smiled for me.

i wish i'd met you sooner; so much untapped potential.

i want to visit home so i can see you again. you're my mirror image.
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nicky and sarah are the only two people that use livejournal anymore. [12 Dec 2013|11:56pm]
I'm seeing a woman who is nine years older than me. It shouldn't make me uncomfortable, but it does. We hang out once a week; brunch, dog park, my place, a movie, and then I walk her to work. Total coincidence we ran into each other when we did, even stranger was the setlist from the show being neatly folded into a paper airplane and hitting me directly in the chest to casually hand over. You're welcome! Virgil almost killed me when I told him what transpired, but now he gets free drinks and pool because of our new somewhat regular house guest.

Work drives me crazy. Anyone I consider a friend always gets fucking fired. Annie, Jim, and then Jordan. This happens everywhere I've ever worked and it lowers my morale more and more every day. Josh has 0.0 hours and I only see Alison for fifteen minutes a week. I need a new job with the quickness, but I also love working there and don't want to think about quitting. Claming (see what I did there) $19.00 in tips for a shift has no novelty whatsoever. Do I want to sell my soul and work some pointless night shift file clerk job over the winter to keep my head above water? Not really.

I'm not thinking anymore and just acting entirely on impulse. It has done wonders for me but yet I still can't get the anxiety monkey off of my back. Go away! I'm kinda normal now.

except not really.

good night.
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[26 Jul 2013|01:48am]
Next fall I can run off to anywhere on the planet I feel like.

I don't know how I feel about that much freedom for a change.
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July isn't usually a good month. [10 Jul 2013|01:18am]
But so far, so good.

Had yesterday off and wound up going into Bremerton with AJ and Virgil. We were supposed to help AJ pack and get ready to move to the other side of the water, but we kinda got drunk in Port Orchard and played "big Jenga" instead. He's bad at reading signals from girls and wanted to come back home but I encouraged him to stay with his kinda-not-really-sometimes lady friend and help her out; she's not the type to admit when she doesn't want to be alone.

Scarfed a burrito down on the ferry ride back into Seattle and stood outside and let the wind hit me in the face for an hour. My nose was running, ears wanted to pop, and it was absolutely freezing out there, yet I couldn't peel myself away from the railing. Looking down, there were hundreds of jellyfish floating across the sound just doin' their thing. It seemed so strange to see actual signs of life in a body of water for a change; e-coli infested waters in Lake Erie kind of kill that sort of thing off in a heartbeat.

Slow day at work so I had to time to actually check my phone when it vibrates like crazy. Got a wall of text messages from my friend Chad who recently did the cross-country drive over to Oregon informing me of his adventures so far. He's working at the state fair and has a landscaping gig on the side. Having one more friend less than a day away is such a great feeling when you've secretly dreaded being alone and miserable out here. To make it even better, Crystal applied the icing to the "love from back east" cake with a super-sweet text message and Facebook status. I really wish I'd have met her sooner in life; the world needs more people like her.

My schedule for next week gives me both my birthday off and the day after to properly recover from what I assume will be a GOOD FUCKING TIME™. The last birthday I had off from work was terrible. I'm not the type to expect anything grandiose or extravagant but no twenty-two year old man wants to get a fucking blender for his birthday. Making plans for next weekend seems completely foreign...adapting to an enjoyable life is harder than it seems.
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[01 Jul 2013|08:50am]
1 July 2003 - Waiting tables, playing video games, and hanging out with Emily.
1 July 2013 - Waiting tables, playing video games, and hanging out with Emily.

Kinda strange, really.
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[02 Jun 2013|11:19pm]
I feel like I'm going to get fired every single day I walk into work even though everyone adores me. I wish I could just stop whatever part of my brain makes me a nervous wreck one-hundred percent of the day. I wish it weren't impossible for me to trust people. Any time someone's close to me I always feel like they're waiting for me to become vulnerable and just destroy my spirit. I always assume the worst of everyone and thus ruin friendships even more. Every single day I get uncomfortable when my roommate comes home because I'm just waiting for him to tell me to pack my shit and get out, as unrealistic as that is. He's really like a brother to me which makes it even worse.

I wish I spent more time interacting with people face to face as an adolescent instead of being holed up on the internet all day. It really ruined my communication skills as an adult.
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[21 May 2013|11:05pm]
everyone i've met here has bright blue eyes and it frightens me.
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another reason i'm a crazy person: [14 May 2013|03:22am]
any time I'm out in public in shoes that i'm unable to sprint in, i feel like i'm at a higher risk of being pick-pocketed.

conversely, that coach purse might as well say "steal me" if you're in six inch heels walking through belltown. use your brain!
3 comments|post comment

[30 Apr 2013|04:14pm]
no you damn ruskies, don't delete my LJ
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[29 Apr 2013|10:27pm]
i really wish i could call my mother and tell her about my life.
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[21 Apr 2013|04:40pm]
dive headfirst into the unknown. just be sure you live to tell about it.
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[16 Nov 2012|05:27pm]
i will strike a match and burn away
every tie that binds me to this place
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[03 Sep 2012|10:40pm]
why does my brain do these things it shouldn't be doing

stop it
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[12 Aug 2012|01:15am]
oh would you look at that
1 comment|post comment

[11 Sep 2011|09:20pm]
oogity boogity boo
3 comments|post comment

[13 Dec 2010|09:37pm]
Who's awesome?

I'm awesome.
6 comments|post comment

[11 Oct 2010|11:16pm]
In quiet contemplation, you mourn the death of Sentry Totem.
2 comments|post comment

[10 Oct 2010|07:43pm]
dead leaves are blowing
she said she's in love with me
i've never felt so great
4 comments|post comment

[08 Oct 2010|01:16am]
i love you zbynek michalek.
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